I hate the way my shirt clings to every protruding lump, I hate the way my ass strains to get free from the confines of my ever shrinking jeans, I hate the way I have to avert my eyes from the mirror when I get out of the shower, I hate the narrowing bathtub when taking a bubble bath, I hate the way my undulating waves of excess jiggle when I walk, I hate those family members making comments, I hate not being able to wear nice fitting dresses, I hate that I can no longer wear those sexy heels sitting in my closet, I hate the health issues that come along with fat. “Well Fatty,” the skinny bitch inside me says, “I guess you don’t hate yourself enough to actually do something about it?” What, are you kidding? I have been on so many diets, tried so many things, so many times for so many years it hardly seems that I have not done something about it!
I’ve been thin most of my life and enjoy the feeling and freedom that “thin” brings. At age 40 everything changed. The fat was creeping up on me. Possibly life events, possibly stress, possibly my diet, possibly metabolism. No matter what, inside I’m a skinny person stuck inside this fat body. I hate it, hate myself and can’t seem to get myself out! The weight just will not come off. “Help, get me out of this fat jail.”
“Dear Diary, today I ate only 200 calories! Yippee!” If all it took to lose weight was to count calories, who the hell would choose to be fat? Who in their right mind would chose a lifetime of self-hatred, trapped in this blubbery prison cell of their own making? Who would choose daily puclic humiliation as a walking, breathing example of weakness in our society? Certainly not the two thirds of us Americans who weight more than they should be.
I know that I’m just throwing out my words exposed for the public to read. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I can’t be the only person who feels hatred for themselves or their bodies, who hates waking up in the morning to put those “fat clothes” on with my “fat shoes”. To the 2, 3 or 4 of you who might actually stumble here by accident, please excuse the simple and boring look to my blog site, I really have no idea what I’m doing yet.
Anyway… here I am, a bloated spec of a human. Geeze, I hate being FAT!